Open letter to people I know

Dear people-I-know-who-have-recently-gotten-engaged-and/or-pregnant,

I would like to tell you: I’m happy for you. Deep down, I think it’s great for you. Much love. But really, I only have so much emotional maturity, emotional energy– and with the exception of my knit-girl friend who is recently pregnant and absolutely wonderful and sweet, and my grad school friend who has been through guy after guy and has finally re-discovered the love of her life– except for those two people, I just can’t be outwardly happy for you.

Maybe I’m tired, jealous, envious; maybe I’m just a horrible person.

Or maybe I’m human.

But I can’t be all that happy for you right now. Really. Good for you. But, as a human, I find it hard, as happy as I am, not to think “Why you and not me?”

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Open letter to people I know

Dear person-I-know-who-has-recently-gotten-engaged-and/or-pregnant, 

I would like to tell you: I’m happy for you. Deep down, I think it’s great for you. Much love. But really, I only have so much emotional maturity, emotional energy– and with the exception of my knit-girl friend who is recently pregnant and absolutely wonderful and sweet, and my grad school friend who has been through guy after guy and has finally re-discovered the love of her life– except for those two people, I just can’t be outwardly happy for you. 

Maybe I’m tired, jealous, envious; maybe I’m just a horrible person. 

Or maybe I’m human. 

But I can’t be all that happy for you right now. Really. Good for you. But, as a human, I find it hard, as happy as I am, not to think “Why you and not me?”

Sincerely drained, 

LifeXhistory

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Protected: Growing pains– a relationship post

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Getting a writing habit

The only way to really write is to write regularly, every day, the same time every day. I know this. I know this like I know that to survive I have to eat food and drink water. I know that the only way I got through the bulk of my dissertation was by sitting in front of my computer every day and writing.

Since taking on this job, though, I’ve had a hell of a time making the time to write. I just haven’t done it. So when I’ve had to write, it’s been frantic, and to the last minute. That’s not going to get my dissertation turned into a book.

I had a public talk on Wednesday. It went really well, but I pretty much prepared everything for it in the last 36 hours before the presentation– even writing the last page of my talk by hand in the hour before the talk. It went well… but it was a close call.

The thing about this talk, though, was that it did remind me of how great having written something feels, it got me thinking about my work again. And now, almost a year out from being finished, I’m ready to start thinking about my writing again. Which is good, since I have a conference paper to write in the next month and a half. I should get a start on that now… and not two or three weeks from now.

I just need to make myself sit down and write. Every day.

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Nope, not easier

So, I finished my review; I finished my service project; I’ve been staying on top of my class work. 

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, I still have a research commitment/invited talk this week. And I have to stay up on my teaching. And I’m tired. And I had a rough weekend personally.* And I still have the smaller annual review to write by the end of this month. 

Oh, and I should probably start thinking about writing the conference paper for my conference this summer… and register for that, too. 

So tired. So much to do. 

*All is well, just relationship growing pains. 

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The worst is over?

Last semester, things started pretty smoothly and didn’t get really crazy until the mid- to late-semester (October, actually). This semester, it all seems to have been packed into the first two weeks.

I had my first pre-tenure review; I had 3 syllabi to revise, 2 of which I needed to spend serious time on; I had to prepare for a major service project that took me out of town for two days… and I had to do it all with a nasty cold.

But now it’s done, and the 14 weeks left should be a piece of cake, right?

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Week one down

In preparation for the new semester, I went on a quick shopping trip. The first outfit for the first day of classes was pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself.

I am teaching M/W’s this semester, so I only had one class last week. The first day was very little in terms of instruction… a whole lot in the way of going over the syllabus, etc. We did, however, have our first “real” class in both of my on-ground classes today. It seemed like it went pretty well.

I did hear through the “grapevine” that students are already raving about one of my classes to another prof in my department… which amused me, because we hadn’t yet done anything. But, you know, I like their enthusiasm. I’m frankly glad they can muster some, because I’m exhausted from a cold. A semester can’t start out perfect, now, can it?

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